Realizations Abroad

I wish I could explain my life right now so that those of you at home could understand and so that when I look back in five, ten, twenty years, I can emulate my current feeling and state of mind by sitting here reading this. This life is a very difficult one to describe and to be understood. Right now, I'm sitting here studying for midterms in FLORENCE, ITALY. Even the normal pang and worry that come with major exams somehow makes me feel at ease - maybe it's knowing that I'm studying in one of the most beautiful cities in the world or maybe it's the excitement of knowing that once I get through these exams, I'm on my way to France and Spain. But even so, these three and a half months of my life are not going to be like any others I ever live afterward. Worries are minimal, happiness is a given, and really, when am I going to again be able to nonchalantly say that I'm heading to Paris for the weekend or taking a quick train to Cinque Terre for the day to go hiking along the Mediterranean? How many more leather jackets am I going to get in my lifetime from a Florentine leather market? And I sure know I'll never walk past anything nearly as breathtaking as the Duomo in Nutley, New Jersey or Storrs, Connecticut. This whole study abroad way of living seems so surreal and yet I'm actually here, right now, living it, doing those things. When I sit here and think about all that, I feel so fortunate and cannot believe I really have all of these opportunities right in front of me and that I'm taking advantage of them. The intimidated, scared little out-of-state college freshman me three years ago wouldn't have predicted that that same girl would be oceans away from her family and friends in just a few short years. And so while I'm experiencing all this beauty and culture, I'm also experiencing self-growth and learning things on my own once and for all. I've led a pretty cushioned life up until now, with basically everything done for me daily, including eating all my meals in a prepaid dining hall. Now, I'm cooking for myself, making wise decisions, attempting to monitor money, though that seems the most difficult task at hand, being in Italy. And at the end of the day, after reflecting on all of this, the two people I really have to thank for this opportunity are my parents, not only for financial reasons (though there's no way I would be here without their hard work), but for allowing me to make decisions on my own and allowing me to try things even if failure seemed plausible at first. I know that when I first addressed studying abroad to my mom and dad that they too couldn't help but recall that scared, homesick little freshman girl, thus giving them their share of doubts about my request. However, they never for one second insisted that I rethink my decision, nor did they try to sway me away from the experience. And for that, I am so grateful. Waking up so far away is made easier by the notion that I have such a great support system like that at home and who will be waiting there for me when I return.

I'm so glad that I was never sheltered from failure or from trying things that may not be right for me in the end, but that I would never know unless given the chance to try. That kind of restraint and strength in parental figures is rare to find, but I have that in my mother, father, and grandmother. They all know exactly what's best for me, but don't dare to actually tell me until I have learned it on my own. And these are the kinds of things I realize more and more while I'm away from home. So in addition to learning new things about different cultures and new things about myself, I'm learning and realizing many things about my family and my upbringing, years later, on a separate continent. Life is very unexpected and sometimes, so are the lessons that come with it.